Knock His Potato Off

Perhaps there was piss in your bowl of corn flakes this morning. Maybe you managed to get it all down, but simply can’t stomach the politics that normally follow. You know…having to smile at the same folks a hundred times per day, and speaking through your nasal so you won’t scare them off. You hate it, but have learned how to channel it for political reasons (i.e., a paycheck). Up until now, you’ve done an extraordinary job! But you’re about ready to knock his potato off!

It’s always the same person, isn’t it? That clown who barely made it through high school, but somehow landed in the biggest cubicle on your floor! The poor soul can barely construct a sentence—on paper or anywhere else—but still feels the need to speak to you as if the year is 1863, and President Lincoln has yet to deliver the Emancipation Proclamation. Didn’t you work your way through college to get where you are now? Where’s that American Dream they sold you?

The truth is that they’ve given the American Dream to your boss, and the Confederate Dream to you! Your boss earns $100,000 per year for being something he’s not; you earn $25,000, still owe tuition, and will likely get yours “by-and-by-in-the-sky-when-you-die.” Or when they fire you; whichever comes first. They’re empire will be built on your back, and they will accomplish this by enticing you to chase the illusions of money, equal opportunity, and job security.

You really could offer the other cheek. But sometimes you just want to KNOCK HIS POTATO OFF!

My, my, there’s so much to learn! I learn something new every day, like the strong possibility (and argument) of Karma not even existing. How else do you explain folks who do what they do, prosper, and go to sleep at night? They gamble on you, the little guy, to subscribe to ideas like Karma, Santa Claus, and Tooth Fairies. Such superstition has no place in the hardcore jungle. Let’s take a look at what else won’t work:

• Whining about it
• Speaking through your nasal in hopes of “winning them over”
• Waiting on Karma
• Working harder (this is actually what they want you to do so they can take all your ideas and hurry up and fire you before your health benefits kick in good)
• Killing your boss with kindness (this may actually work, but by the time it does, you will have been long gone, so this doesn’t exactly count as a solution)

…And now, what DOES work:

• Knowing your worth and refusing to settle for anything less
• Making a decision
• Catching your boss in a dark alley to KNOCK HIS POTATO OFF!

I’ll leave it to your own creative license to conclude what it means to “knock his potato off” (you can assume I’ve told you what it means, but I actually haven’t told you anything). It certainly isn’t anything good for your boss, and any professional person would consider stopping at Step #2. But that’s their gamble: For you, the little guy, to be professional while they make up the rules as they go. My only suggestion is that if you do decide to knock his potato off, clean up behind yourself and sweep up the potato chips.

This is your Monday Unleaded for the week of October 13, 2013. Have a productive week and don’t hurt anybody!

99 Problems – Jay-Z